In my Lauryn hill voice, “The sweetest thing I’ve ever known is like the kiss on the collar bone”. Yea, it use to be sweet; that feeling of new love. You know, when your body tingles at his touch, and your heart beats fast from his texts. (I remember the day)
How could the person you once loved so dearly, become a stranger to your pupil. The touch changes and your heart becomes heavy from his text, when it use to beat fast!
“Letting Go is so hard”, even when you’re left with nothing to hold on to. I don’t know why, but we hold on, and we hold on so tight to non-existing situations.
Ladies, do we hold on out of fear or hope?
I think we fear being lonely for the rest of our lives, or we hope that he changes! Well, I believe or shall I say that I’ve concluded that he ain’t going to change. I tell myself that I am going to change all the time, and then unconsciously I do things out of years of habit. I’m literally trying to change childhood habits as an adult. Although change is possible for a mate; your mate has to see something wrong with him/her in order to change. This is highly unlikely for a person to see their own selfishness, silliness, and immature behavior. “My ex- is pure perfection in his own eyes”.
We hold on tight, and we continue to hold on to an evident loss, just hoping that he changes. I’ve poured my heart out in letters, poems, and meaningless conversations, but nothing changed! Sometimes, my ex and I get a bite to eat after a 2 month separation, and I notice nothing has changed. One time we prayed together, cried out in a tearing prayer and the next day nothing changed! We stop talking for 5 months, no communication and when we began to speak again, I noticed a change, then we talked more, and more, and I noticed another change ‘nothing changed’.
I no-longer need him to change. I will take on the challenge and I WILL CHANGE. I’m changing how I treat him, how I respond to his text, how I respond to his company. I want him to tell his friends, “Man, she changed”!
We are fearful of loneliness, but we should fear being with someone and still being lonely. Then we have the issue of hope. When we don’t completely let go, we have an ounce of hope in our hearts. Hoping he will change, hoping the two of you will get back together, but do you know that small ounce of hope will kill you. Be hopeless to the possibility of love, and let go.
My ex pissed me off this weekend. Left another dent in my heart, but I know this is a result of “Holding on”; Holding on to nothing. This is a result of allowing an undeserving person in my space. This week, I’m working on letting go. I have no hope in my heart for my past situation and I don’t need him to change on my behalf, I will gladly change on my own!
A person that’s letting go
I’ve misplace it
Looked under the bed
Behind the mirror/ nightstand/
Under the table/ and TV
Pulled everything out the closet
Checked the bathroom/ medicine cabinet
Underneath the sink
Even went to the car
Checked the trunk
Came back inside
Checked the kitchen/refrigerator/and cabinets
Then I checked the couch
In between it/Around it/beside it/under it
I looked all over
I’ve retraced all MY STEPS
AND I STILL CAN’T FIND ME!!!
By: Madam Prezident